Now I never wanted to turn this blog or site into the “Anthony’s dealing with his divorce issues,” but in a lot of ways that is how Suzy Samson and her story came about. Please, forgive me, if some of my blog post tend to dwell on it more than they should. I just want these post to be a way for me to express what is on my mind of late. As you can tell, I’ve been thinking about why people cheat. This post may be a bit more raw and honest than my typical post, but I think to understand me and where I am coming from that these type of posts are sometimes needed.
Now before I go into my thoughts on the topic, I should preface this with a little information of my view point on the topic, and how it has been shaped through my experiences. I have never cheated on anyone, but I have been cheated on and with (yes, in my twenties I was once involved with a married woman). That being said, I accept some of what happened at the end of my own marriage as being part of my karmic debt I owed the universe.
Cheating is selfish, disrespectful, dishonest and cowardly. After, contemplating and evaluating the reasons given to me by both the ex-wife and the married woman (I think that is the best way to refer to these ladies), that is my ultimate conclusion. It is selfish to get so caught up in a moment that you do not consider how your actions might affect the person with whom you are supposed to be in a committed relationship. It is also selfish to try and hold on to this relationship for security in case things don’t work out with the person you are seeing on the side.
It is disrespectful to your partner as a person. Regardless of what is going on in that relationship, the person you are with should always be treated with respect. When you chose to pursue a romantic relationship outside of your marriage, you are basically saying I do not respect my partner and do not really care how this might affect them emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually. By pursuing that extra-martial relationship, you are telling your partner that they are not good enough. You are not only saying something is lacking in our relationship, but you are telling your partner that they are not worth the time or effort to try and repair this relationship. Now, I understand that not all relationships can be repaired and that sometimes marriages must end, but have enough respect for your partner to address this openly and honestly, before jumping into a new romance. Give that person that you once loved and thought you could spend the rest of your life with some basic respect by being honest with them.
Cheating by its very nature is dishonest. No matter how carefully you think you are covering your tracks, your partner always knows. They may not know exactly what is going on or who you are seeing, but they will know that you are concealing something and being dishonest with them. But perhaps more than that, it is being dishonest with yourself, justifying in your mind that you must see and explore these feeling with this other person. The truth is that you’re being selfish and cowardly. You are too afraid to end the supposed committed relationship before you begin exploring the new one, or you are just so self absorbed with these new emotions that you disregard your partner entirely. Either way there is no justification for it, and it is not noble or romantic no matter how your feelings for your new lover twists things in your mind.
Finally, cheating is cowardly. It means you are either to fearful to face the problems in your current relationship, or you are too afraid of being alone to end it before having something else lined up. Either way it is cowardice, plain and simple. If you are afraid of being alone, it probably means you need to be alone for awhile and find out why you need to be with someone to feel self fulfilled. Before you can love anyone you must first love yourself, and have the confidence that you alone are enough. Do not be afraid to be honest with your partner about what is going on in your relationship or how it may be deteriorating. Identifying the problems is the first step, but truly making an effort to change and work on these problems takes selflessness, respect, honesty and courage. These should always be the foundations of any relationship you have. Even if the relationship must end, you should end it in such away that you are honest, open and respectful to the person you once loved. They deserve that has a human being.
Thanks for indulging me, and I hope some of you find the thoughts and advice helpful. I am not sure if there are really any profound revelations here, but they are thoughts that have been plaguing my mind of late.
Love openly, honestly, selflessly, respectfully and courageously,